And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
