Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
