I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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