No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
