I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
