he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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