Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
