Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
