i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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