are you still at the devil's house?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
