That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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