Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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