If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's shark week go big or go home
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
