Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
