My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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