Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
