I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize