Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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