Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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