im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
