Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
