You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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