You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
