i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize