I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
