its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
