Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
