I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
