I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
