Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
