I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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