two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize