Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
