dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
MIDGETS
????
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
