To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
