You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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