A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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