I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
