PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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