i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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