Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my poor anus
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
