morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
