I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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