Screwed.edu
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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