did you get engaged???
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
