He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
