Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
