so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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