I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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