Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
