I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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