i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
