Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
