Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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