she was so not down for the gang bang
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
