i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
