I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
