Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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