the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
