I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
