So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
