Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
