ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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