So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
