This house was built for laser tag.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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