Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
