My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my shit smells like andre
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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