I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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