Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
