Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
