just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
