screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
