You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
