Welp...herpes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
