Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
