Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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