I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
