So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize