508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
