Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
