Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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