So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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