I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
