i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
