I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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