Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
