I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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