I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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