FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
