you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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