I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
