Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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