I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
