Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize