If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
