8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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