How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
