well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
