non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
