erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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